Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
