he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize