Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
