I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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