it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
