When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
