what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
