yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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