I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize