My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
