butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you made out with another girl for some wings
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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