It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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