I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
