He uses pillows to masturbate.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize