my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
