i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His hands were made for my vagina.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
