we have pet lesbian snakes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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