Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
