Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
