Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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