Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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