sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
