I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
