Umm I'm too high to move.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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