Betty ford says i'm here all night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
