I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
