I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
