He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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