I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
