He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
