Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
