I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
