we're blogging at a bar
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
