I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
