You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
