in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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