I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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