Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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