I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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