dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
