My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize