when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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