The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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