just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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