How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize