Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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