I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
