life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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