a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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