i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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