yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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