Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
