I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
