i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
