Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
