1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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