Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
