I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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