"it" just moved
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
