Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
