Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
