He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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