I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
