I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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