i think i have two assholes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
